The Pioneers Club
The community podcast for driven entrepreneurs and leaders.
Here you can connect with like-minded people, create a sense of belonging, and gain practical insights you need to gain more mental & emotional agency and resilience for your daily life.
We, your host Monika (certified mental & systemic coach) and co-host Patrick (entrepreneur & broadcast production manager), will answer your most burning questions, talk with exclusive guests, and share their own stories & experiences on how to deal with & thrive through the trials & tribulations of entrepreneurship.
The Pioneers Club
From Noise to Wisdom: How to Choose, Test, and Own Advice You Get
You're constantly bombarded with advice, feedback, and critique — everyone seems to have an opinion on what you should be doing. But how do you know which advice is worth taking and which will lead you off course?
In this episode, we dive deep into the art of filtering advice, empowering you with practical steps to decide what really matters.
Discover how to define your trusted circle of advisors, test and adapt feedback to suit your unique journey, and strengthen your self-awareness so you can stay aligned with your vision.
Whether you're overwhelmed by conflicting opinions or want to fine-tune your decision-making process, this episode will give you the tools to confidently navigate the sea of unsolicited advice.
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Your Host:
Monika Lerch
https://www.monikalerch.com/
Linkedin: /in/monikalerch/
Instagram: @themonikalerch
Your Co-Host:
Patrick Öffl
https://www.amikifilms.com/
Linkedin: /in/patrickoeffl/
Instagram: @patrickoeffl
Monika [00:00:07] This is the Pioneers Club podcast.
Patrick [00:00:09] The community podcast for driven entrepreneurs and leaders.
Monika [00:00:13] Here you can connect with like minded people, create a sense of belonging and gain more agency in your daily life. Hi, my name is Monika and I'm your host. I help impact driven freelancers, entrepreneurs and leaders live their full potential and go from feeling overwhelmed, stuck and confused to being confident, clear headed and focused as they go after their goals. As a mindset and systemic coach, I focus primarily on topics such as confidence, high performance, self coaching and self leadership and use my mindfulness based and systemic approach to help my clients thrive with more ease.
Patrick [00:00:50] And I'm your co-host, Patrick, an entrepreneur just like you. I'm an international media producer working on live sports, premium documentaries and digital content. I help people bring their stories to life and work with a global network of partners to create engaging content. I live through the topics of our podcast, just like you and I will try to ask the questions you might have.
Monika [00:01:17] Last time we talked about how important it is to nourish and cultivate the self awareness and the sense of self trust in order to orient yourself and in order to know what steps and what direction to take, which is right for you. We talked about how to recognize whether you are authentic in your perceptions, interpretations, feelings and how to quiet the noise. And today we want to look at the same dynamic, but the other side of the coin, I would actually say. Because now we are looking at all the noise that you're getting that you are constantly bombarded with, whether it comes in the form of advice, other people's opinions, feedbacks, whatever it is. You don't want to shut everything out. You don't want to become an island and be completely isolated. You want to get helpful input. Be resourceful. But you have to be super clear and super critical about which advice, which feedback to truly consider and which ones to dismiss.
Patrick [00:02:20] It's so important and it's mostly about how to leverage that self-awareness and that clarity to handle the feedback, the criticism, sometimes even, and the oftentimes unsolicited advice that you get from everyone around you and from people who feel like, I just need to tell you what I feel and how you should handle something. And then it's up to you to either accept that, to take that advice and make it your own, or just do what people tell you to do. And that's why it's so important to talk about this today, how to use that self-awareness and that clarity to handle everything that people throw at you.
Monika [00:03:01] Well, this is exactly what we talked about already. I can remember that we had this conversation where we talked about one of my mentors explaining to me - and this was a beautiful shift, a reframe for me as well - explain to me that anything, any advice, any opinion that someone shared with me was actually simply an invitation. An invitation for me that I could consider, an invitation for me to react to or to respond to. But still, I was always the one choosing whether I would welcome and say yes to this invitation or whether I would say no thank you. Reframing it as an invitation was so powerful for me because everyone has an opinion. Well, not everyone maybe, but most people are really eager to share their opinion with you. But not everyone's opinion should matter for you.
Patrick [00:03:53] But that's why it's so important. Everything that we talked about last time, that self-awareness that you called it, inner compass. And it's so important to have that to know, how do I feel about a certain situation? Then I can go into handling those opinions and everything that you get. We quickly have to talk about why is it so important to have that self-awareness and that clarity. We talked about the whole how you get there last time. But let's quickly talk about why is it so important for feedback, criticism and all the opinions that come towards our way?
Monika [00:04:30] Well, I'm sure that anyone who has been in the position where they felt that they are not sure about what is truly happening here, where they felt like a novice, maybe they didn't know enough in order to assess the situation. And then hearing a lot of opinions about what you should focus on, what you should do, how you should feel, how you should talk, with whom you should talk. We all have been there. In these situations, it becomes so overwhelming because you are suddenly swayed and torn into thousands of directions, if you don't know how to prioritize and how to truly assess which advice and which opinion is important for you. And it's not just like in this situation where you are a novice and where you are new to a situation. The same thing applies if you don't have this deeply rooted awareness of your own values, of your core values, of your long term vision, and also of a certain, let's say, boundaries and things that you will or will not do. All of these things that also determine how you approach certain situations. If you don't have this inner compass, it can become incredibly difficult to decide where you should invest your time/energy into and what you should consider and what you shouldn't consider.
Patrick [00:05:47] We already talked about it last time also. How expensive it can be, not just financially, but also with the time that you're investing into something that you can be swayed by, I don't know, trends, popular opinions, people who are trying to sell you something and they see a lack in whatever you're doing. It becomes incredibly important when there's feedback and advice coming towards your way. Because in that feedback and whatever you're receiving from these people, I personally see sometimes there is a lack. That there is something, some vision from them maybe even in there, that they're trying to get you to do something. They have a certain investment in that which not necessarily aligns with what you are doing or what you want to do.
Monika [00:06:36] That's such a good point because this is exactly what I tell a lot of people and a lot of my clients come to me with certain advices or ideas of how they should go about something without having checked in, whether this actually applies to their vision and their values. Whether this is truly something that they can in the long term act on. Because if you adopt something, some advice or a strategy that requires you to be someone different than who you truly are, it gets incredibly difficult over a certain time span to keep going and keep doing these things. And then in order to be as successful, as we know, you have also to be creative. You have to learn. You have to constantly question what you're doing, etc. If you are not aligned with yourself and if you are taking on a role actually - I'm reading a book where they are calling this the role self… If you're in a role self and not in your true self, you don't have the basis even to know how to assess these situations, how to grow, how to evolve, because you're constantly renewing and adapting a superficial image that you are actually enacting. Instead of living this true alignment and these true values which will then show you what is truly a right strategy for you, what are the steps that you can take on a daily basis and which steps you will probably have to say no to. Because simply, I know as well for my clients, that there are so many different strategies and ways to do certain things and to reach the same goals. But you have to be super careful because the one strategy that works for someone doesn't work for the other person. And we sometimes get confused because especially in this world of coaches and I know that this is something that I am confronted with because I'm a coach as well. The world of coaching is something where we are oftentimes told that this person is an expert and authority and they are going to tell you the exact formula that you just need to enact. And this is oftentimes what happens now, not only if you pay a coach to do, to help you, but actually if you also talk with people who give you advice and opinion, who are not really considering enough about your situation, about your values, about your vision and asking the right questions, because this is what it comes down to. Are they asking enough questions in order to give you the right advice? If you don't have that, it's getting exhausting.
Patrick [00:09:12] Talking about advice and feedback that we're getting, we also have to talk about all the noise coming towards us. And one strategy to handle all of this is firstly filtering what's being thrown at us. So there are so many people giving us unsolicited advice. Everyone's talking. Everyone's throwing opinions at us. And it's so important to actually know, is this something that I have to deal with? Is it an actual problem for me? How can I go about this?
Monika [00:09:45] Yes, that's really the right step of becoming more aware and more intentional in how you handle advice, opinions, feedbacks. And this is this first step of becoming aware of the need to filter and question whether this suggestion that there is a problem is actually really something that you also see. Or is it simply the other person who sees a lack, a misfit from their own perception for their from their own worldview or strategy or values, and therefore make it a problem for you while it really is not your problem. Something that I oftentimes hear with my clients, we are talking and talking and talking and they explain a problem to me and I'm just listening to them explaining how someone else told them that this is a problem. And when you then stop for a moment, slow down and ask the simple question, Who is this a problem for? Who made you aware that this is a problem? And is this really a problem for you? It oftentimes is enough in order to feel. Wait a second, I am hyping myself up or spiraling now into a perception that there is a problem simply because someone else told me that there is, but it's not really mine.
Patrick [00:11:03] But that's already the interesting conversation because mostly it doesn't happen when someone gives you like positive feedback or something in a positive way in general. But it becomes a real problem when you get concerns from others, problems from others that you haven't yet seen. Or maybe it really isn't the problem for you. And then, like you said, you're spiraling into a problem that has never been your problem in the first place. That's the tricky part. How can you escape then, if it has never been your problem? But you're weighing those other options and you suddenly see a problem where it might not even be a problem for you.
Monika [00:11:47] Yeah. And you really are not in a position to deal with it also then, because it's not a problem really from your point of view. It becomes a problem when you shift into the point of view of the other person. Sometimes, and I'm a huge fan… I just want to say this very quickly because now we are talking about the problem situation with advice and feedback and opinions. But advice and feedback can be incredibly valuable and there is a lot of value in people who are aware of your goals and where aware of your vision and who want to help you, and then point you towards, wait a second, maybe you are missing something here. You have a blind spot somewhere. And all of us have blind spots, we all do. Still, though, you will need this moment of stopping and slowing down and recognizing, okay, is there a blind spot? Did they make me aware of something that I was just missing out on? Or am I creating a problem now because someone would envision or would wish me to do something differently? And I really can't act on that because I'm not them, I’m not living their values, I'm not living their life. And finally, it all comes down to you are the one who has to stick around and bear the consequences of this. If another person has a problem with it and you make it your problem, and then you have to bear consequences of solving a problem that was never actually a problem for you… It can throw you off like miles away from where you actually wanted to go and what feels truly powerful and right for you. And it can throw you into the stuck state I have seen people go into, a heap of confusion and not knowing anymore what to look for and who to listen to and distrusting themselves. And it all comes from allowing other people to tell you that things are problems that you don't really see as problems.
Patrick [00:13:42] And that's why the filter is so important that you can really understand. Is this something that I have to work on? Is it a positive feedback? Is it helping me to improve on what I'm working with? Or is it something that just throws me into the deep end and I just suddenly am confronted with problems that I've never seen before, maybe even don't want to see it or need to see, don't have to deal with. And I'm just totally somewhere else. And that’s… I think that's the most important thing about filters. It can really readjust your focus.
Monika [00:14:17] And it makes life so much easier. It just takes a weight off your shoulders. But it's also why I always advise my clients to be very critical about who they allow to be part of their what I call the trusted circle of advisors, because then it's easier to differentiate. Is this coming from someone who I really trust and who I know is going to have my best interests at heart? Or is this coming from someone who just saw my situation and who had a snapshot of the status quo but doesn't have the bigger picture? They don't have the context. They don't know what I'm looking for, what I'm striving to do. They don't even care maybe even to allow me to do things my way. They are simply doing things their way and they are giving me unsolicited advice. If you have the circle of advisors that you truly trust, it's very easy to recognize. Wait a second, this is someone who has never been part of this circle, so I'm even more careful in whether I will respond to this invitation or not.
Patrick [00:15:20] We all know that situation where friends and family want to give us advice and they want to tell us how to do our job, how to run our business. I remember very well that I got the advice on how to do, I don't know, how to handle certain clients, how to respond to critical situations when I was confronted with some problems at work. And the advice that I got was actually “Do this. Do that. You should do this. You should respond like this.” And I was like, that's not really working for my industry. That's not how we do it also in our industry, because if I responded like that, if I actually told people off like that. That will probably be the last time that I work with those people because it's, well, just something that you wouldn't do. And some… also some like business traditions that you just can't change. And that's really the interesting thing, and I mentioned it already before, be careful who you talk to. It's exactly what you said. It should be someone who knows what you're dealing with. Best case, someone who's in your industry, in your area of expertise, that they know what you've been going through or at least has some relatability to it.
Monika [00:16:30] I have a little bit of a different opinion here because sometimes it can be incredibly helpful to have an opinion or to have someone look at a situation who is not already, you know, primed and who hasn't got a certain blindness that may be shared from everyone in the industry because they are simply coming from it completely from a different point of view. And sometimes this advice can be even more helpful then. But then you have to be careful to choose a person who is willing to actually look at the situation, take the time in order to investigate it, in order to give you appropriate insights or share their opinions in a way where it's like, yeah, there are parallels. Where you can even respond, maybe like see the parallels instead of them simply just telling you what you should do.
Patrick [00:17:20] Totally agree with that. And yes, sometimes it can be very helpful if someone is from outside of the industry. Like you said, you're so blind sometimes you don't even see the problems anymore. However, that's what I mean with a certain relatability. Because if you're an entrepreneur and someone has been an employee all the time, there are certain issues that don't really translate. And it's quite tricky to get some inputs from someone who never had that experience of what it takes to set up a company to be completely on your own, to be a freelancer, and you have to fight for projects. And you know, all those problems, and you know, also the anxiety sometimes of how to move on when it's really tricky. But also the good things this, I can be free and I can basically determine my time on my own. That's what I mean with certain relatability. Doesn’t necessarily mean that it's about people in your own industry.
Monika [00:18:17] Well, this is why I like to have this trusted advisor checklist that I'm also giving my clients because it's so important and it's so easy with it then to check in with yourself. And these are basically three criteria that you can assess and and look at in order to determine whether someone is fit to be part of your trusted circle or not. The first one is exactly what you just said. It's the question of has this person, to some degree, experience that comes close to what I am going through. So this can be either that this person has walked a similar path or is walking a similar path. It can be that this person has achieved something that you want to achieve. Or it can be also something where you see someone and you want to achieve the same position in the future. So you see there is a similarity in the path, and this is why you say, okay, their experiences might be valid to mine. And this is why you then say, okay, their experiences might be comparable to mine and therefore insightful. The second criteria is then, do they have some kind of expertise, some kind of knowledge and insight that is based on skillsets, on industry, on profession? But it can also be someone from outside the industry. And the third point that a lot of people forget is the question of whether this other person is in some way - emotionally, mentally or otherwise - invested in your path, in your success. And this can be your parents being emotionally invested in wishing you to be safe, wishing you to be comfortable while you wish to be ambitious and fulfilled and free. Completely different values and therefore completely different directions that you would probably want to take your life in. Or this can be someone who actually has an agenda of their own and therefore gives you advice that might be, well, not quite unbiased. Let's phrase it like this. And where you then would have to look at whether this, this investment of their side might actually influence their opinion and their advice in some way.
Patrick [00:20:30] I wouldn't even say not quite biased because I would really say these people are biased. Because they tend to see only half the picture. They only see you in that equation and they don't really see like outside of what is your whole world in this area of expertise of yours. Because when you're working in your field, you can see not just one issue and one problem. You're dealing with 20 different things all at the same time. Some of that advice is mostly targeted at just one certain issue that those people see. So that is definitely biased and not just quite biased because they tend to ignore certain facts. Because you as an expert in your area, you see that it's not that easy.
Monika [00:21:16] Okay. So this is the cases where you think someone has… is focused, hyper focused on one specific part and ignores the bigger picture. Right? Yeah. There is this thing and I don't know exactly what the saying is like, but in essence it goes like, if you only have a hammer (sledge), every problem is going to be a nail. And this is what I see with a lot of experts who are hyper focused on their expertise. They forget about everything else. And it can be very dangerous to listen to this kind of advice of course. Just someone who is an expert doesn't mean that they are not in some way invested and have their own agenda in what you are doing. So you have to be very critical. But I find that this checklist goes directly in this direction where you can check it off and see, is this someone that I can truly rely on? Is this someone whose opinion I'm even going to allow in and even allow myself to consider? Or am I simply going to say, no thank you. Because I don't want to get confused. I don't want to waste my time. I don't want to waste their time as well. And you can be at peace with yourself then, because you have your criteria there. And these criteria can be… you can decide what these criteria for you. You know, for me, I know who whose expertise I value and need as well. For me, I also know what kind of person I'm looking for when I'm looking at whether they have a certain experience that is comparable to mine. Are they a peer who is walking the same path? Are they a mentor who has been down this path? Is this someone who is simply a reference model that I'm choosing to learn from spontaneously, but I'm not taking them as a guide for my whole journey? So you can be very creative with this as well then, but you gain a lot more clarity.
Patrick [00:23:03] The checklist is a little bit of a stress test. What is this advice going to be? But there's also other kind of testing that we have to talk about now. Let's just assume for argument's sake that we have discussed and realized that it is our problem. We've asked the question, is it really a problem? Some other people might see a problem where there is none. Maybe there is a problem. And now we've realized it is actually one of our problems. And this person is also really qualified to give us that advice. What's next?
Monika [00:23:39] Well, the next step is actually another kind of stress test, because then you have to see that even good advice might not be the right advice for you in a specific form that it is given to you. So I'm going to give you a very simple example that I see all the time, and that confuses people. But for me, it is very easy to differentiate. And this is about vision work and now we're coming to the end of the year. We are talking about what's your vision, what is your goal? Goal setting. What do you envision yourself to have to be in 2025, 2026? You know, and people are very in love with these vision board exercises as well. But we have become - in certain in certain groups and clusters - we have become super focused on saying that this vision of work means that you have to be super clear about what exactly it is that you want. So this vision board, for example, it's not enough to have pictures that make you feel good. No, you should write specific numbers. You should have the exact house. You should know how big it is. You should… You should know where you live, in which city. All of these details. This can be beautiful, if you have this clarity and if you have this vision in front of you and going deeper and doing this detailed analysis can give you a lot of insights. However, if you are - and a lot of my clients are going through these phases - if you are in a transformation process, if you are going through a certain stage of change, this is not the kind of clarity that you have and also not the kind of clarity that you need. Your vision may be more clarified by values and the feelings that you experience. So for my clients, for example, then in these situations when we talk about this, I hear them oftentimes say like, I don't know, I'm not clear enough about my vision. I don't know. But I, somehow I've tried… I’ve tried the vision board exercise and it doesn't work for me. And then we talk about this and then I say, well, who told you that you have to write the exact number there? Who told you that you have to do this in this way? Why couldn't you achieve clarity based on the emotions that you want to feel? Based on the values that you want to live, and also picturing how you want to live these values. And it all makes much more sense then. And it is also clarity on your vision, but in a different way. And this is exactly what I mean when I say you have to make it your own.
Patrick [00:26:12] It's very important to note that when we talk about this vision, we're not talking about like the business vision, the business side of it. Maybe some of the entrepreneurs out there might be confused when they hear vision, because basically every company always bombards you with, This is our vision, this our mission and strategy and whatever. This is a very different kind of vision that we have here. It's your own personal goal that you see yourself with. It's your own mission and vision, whatever you might call it. It's not in the business context. You don't have to put your turnover, your strategic goals and whatever it is in there. It is sometimes more often, like you said, this feeling where you're not exactly sure yet where this leads you to sometimes.
Monika [00:27:01] Sometimes… Well, not necessarily, because it can be in the business context. For people who have a passion business, a lifestyle business, and their business is intricately interwoven with their lifestyle and their personal life, their it is important also, and they can have these ideas of how much they want to earn in this in a month. And oftentimes it leads to that. But it's not just like you said, it's not this branding vision and mission statement that we often hear and that people also feel somehow then that when it comes to mindset and the deep work that these three three line formulas should work, this is not the same thing.
Patrick [00:27:41] It's good to know that it's optional. Yeah, it's not a requirement. That's what I'm trying to say with this is if you know the details of your vision and you can put everything on there and it feels completely right for you, then by all means go for it. I mean, no one says you should leave it out. It's just you shouldn't feel bad if you don't have it all together right now.
Monika [00:28:01] This is exactly what would keep you stuck then as well. Because while you are waiting then to get clear on every detail, you're actually missing out on the action steps that would show you what is right for you, which direction you want to go in, what kind of return on investment, what kind of revenue, etc. you need. All of these details would fall into place as you move forward and as you take action. But people then get stuck because they think I should know all of these details beforehand and it doesn't work, especially in transformation and change processes. It doesn't work this way. And this is then where, what we talked about as the basis, the self-awareness, the self trust and the core values, your alignment with your core values comes in again because there it's about owning that you need to stay anchored and… and in touch with yourself. And this means oftentimes also to pause before taking immediate action upon an advice and questioning: Is this relevant to my stage, my business and my personal style in this moment? Even if you have already decided that this is a problem, even if you have already decided that this person is qualified to give advice, still you need to double check: Is this relevant for me in this way right now? I can give you a fun story about how I went through maybe something like a bootcamp in testing this as well again this year specifically. Because I hired a consultant for a specific part of my business who was amazing and had a lot of ideas, but he threw these ideas out like nothing. And, you know, like… as if he was handing out candy at Halloween. He was just really generous with ideas and opinions and advice where he has seen something and what you should do. And it didn't take me long to understand that I would have to take every one of these advices, even though he was an expert in his field or he is an expert in his field and even though I had requested him because I knew that I needed help in a certain department, I would have to take every advice with a grain of salt and really double check with me. Is this good for me right now? Is this a fun idea, something that I can take a note on and come back to maybe in half a year, one year, whenever? Or is this something that really is good advice right now that I could take action on now? But having this little moment of pausing, reconnecting with myself and then questioning this advice, it changed the whole conversation and made it so much more focused and strategic.
Patrick [00:30:47] But what you're basically saying is you looked at everything that you were given all the advice and you made it your own. You adapted it into specifically working for your style.
Monika [00:31:01] You hit the nail on the head because this is exactly what you have to do with any advice that you get. Once you have decided that you will take the invitation. Once you have decided that this is a good person to listen to, you will still need to make the advice your own and you are still going to be responsible in order to see that this advice is truly aligned with your values, with your style, with your vision. No one can do this part for you. So this last step - and this can be very fun - is then in finding creative ways. Or even sometimes you will notice that an advice, the way that it is given, that you can actually implement it. You know, like take the formula, implement it, and you're good to go. But sometimes you will look for adaptations, look for different ways of how to do it in order to then test it again for yourself and then make it a fixed part of your routines, a fixed part of your strategy. So to summarize, in order to handle advice, opinions, feedback, critique, whatever it is that you are getting from outside in an intentional and self-aware and confident way, you will have to basically follow four steps. First, be clear and connected to your vision and values before accepting advice. Second, define a circle of trusted advisors that you know that you can trust and that you can rely on based on their experience, their alignment, and their investment in you and your goals. Third, take the time to question and test the advice, even though you know that this is advice that you need and the people are good people that you are getting it from. Don't just take it at face value. Really pause and question whether this is good for you in the way that it is presented or whether you should take the essence, the core intention, but still shift it and adapt it a little bit. And then this leads us to the fourth step. Adapt and personalize any advice that you get so it fits your personal journey, your vision and values, not someone else's. And if you're ready to dive deeper into mastering your mindset and building this mental strength, this self trust and confidence, don't miss out on my monthly free Mindset Mentoring Session. Sign up for our newsletter to stay updated and receive your personal invitation. And let's continue this journey together.
Patrick [00:33:33] If you enjoyed this episode, share it with your fellow entrepreneurs so they can listen too. Grab the link in our show notes and send it to them.
Monika [00:33:40] If you're looking to join our tribe of movers and shakers to get a sense of belonging and fresh insights, join our Pioneers Club community. The link to our community is waiting for you in our show notes as well.
Patrick [00:33:51] And don't forget to connect with us on LinkedIn or Instagram and let us know what was a helpful thought or insight that you gained from this episode.
Monika [00:33:59] Have any questions or ideas for us? Head over to our LinkedIn or Instagram pages and tell us. We read every submission and would love to answer your question in a later episode too. So thanks for joining us.
Patrick [00:34:10] See you in the next one.